Hello, Well once again its been awhile since ive posted. im not very good at keeeping blogs and what not. i dont know what it is but i think i just get bored with them very fast. I kinda was thinking on becoming a Youtube Blogger but then .. im not ahh i would then have to go buy a good video camera and then confince people that im not talking to myself in my dorm room. haha

So my last post talked about my great uncle and how much his death has impacted my beliefs on family and that i cherish my family and would choose them over a lot of things. i said that i would have something written up and then posted. well unfortenutly i didnt get around to finishing it, so whats on my last post well thats the jist of it.

i havent been writing latley and its just because i have been consumed with life and work. if im not hanging out with my friends im working and if not that im sleeping. but i kinda have some time to be creative. so this next peice that i will share on here is a peice of writing called Its just clothes afterall. this basically talks about how everyone i know alwaysmakes a comment on the fact that i dont wear girl clothing, its like thier gender specifics are on key and thye are unable to see past that and see me for who i really am and that my guy clothes doesnt change me

So here it is.

Its Just Clothes AfteralL!

So I'm tired of being told how to act, what to wear and the type of person I have to be. Since when did gender specific clothing become a huge part of someone’s identity that it begins to be a conversation piece that can go on for days “Oh let’s see you in girl clothes, let’s see you in a dress” I say screw girl clothes and don’t even think about me ever wearing a dress.

I didn’t think that my clothing attire would be a big issue, have you seen what half these people wear.. if it isn’t their girls showin its their underwear. Since when did hoodies and baggy jeans become such a big deal.

When did dressin professional resort into wearing blouses and doing your hair and then I hear “but your going to have to dress up and do your hair if you want to get a job anywhere” I simply reply with something like “ I know when to dress up and I know when to do my hair, but stop hassling the fact that I don’t wear what society tells my gender to wear.

Since the day I came into this world and I was able to make a choice what to wear, it was baggy pants and a t-shirt. I never once worn a dress unless it was forced upon me. I didn’t even go to my high school prom because of the dress code that everyone was forcing on me.

See I know what to wear and when to wear it, it doesn’t take brain science to figure it out. But I would like to know who decided that dressin professional meant having to dress in uncomfortable clothes that causes us to tug and pull in order for it to fit comfortable on us.

I don’t know about you, but what looks more professional a person tuggin at their clothes constantly or someone who’s comfortable so that their personality shows and that can help you because there more concerned instead of them wondering if their “girls” are showin.

I think that my personality got me where I am today, I think thats the reason I'm here today doing what I do best and that’s helping youth who are in distress. I solely believe that its my personality that got me here and not some gender specific clothes that I'm suppose to wear.

It seems that society is to focused on outer appearances and I'm beginning to see the repercussions of it

I just wished that people would accept me for who I am and not try to change me. I'm tired of all the nonsense conversations about “ oh were going to get you in girl clothes, but don’t worry we accept you for who you are” bullshit if you really accepted me for who I am then you wouldn’t be forcing me to dress in something that I don’t seek as being anything comforting.

Do you honestly think that clothes makes the person, and that what I wear makes me a different person then I really am and that I hide behind my baggy jeans and a hat., I just don’t know how much more of this I can take, I just want you to see that I want to be me, so let me be me.

Because I'm sick and tired of everyone focusing on gender specifics with clothing and anything else in this world, just because I am a girl doesn’t mean I'm automatically objected to be wearing girl style clothing. I say screw gender specifics and let me wear what I wanna wear .The clothes on my back isn’t going to change me, its not going to make me look at issues differently its just clothes after all.

Well hello there, lol

So its been like two weeks i think since ive wrote anything. so i thought hell its 2 am mightest well start somewhere. so i have been thinking a lot, about everything and well this monday coming is the 3rd year that my great uncle passed away. and well i still find it hard to write about him and how i felt so, i managed to scrambled some words down on paper but im hoping that by June 1st i will have something posted to show how much he meant to me.

Heres a little taste of whats to come.

In a couple of week s it will be another year gone by since that morning god took you and we all had to say our goodbyes.
not a day goes by that i dont think o fyou and remember the time that i first met you!

I remember walking through the door with my mother and father, you could hear the newfie jig music from the street. i walked in through the door to see you sitting at the table after a long trip on the boat , you were sittin there listening to the music with your captin in your glass just living life and enjoying being home. The look on my face was proabably priceless, expesially since i havent met you before.

I remember sitting on the couch closley to my mom, thinking oh great we got some crazy people on my dads side of the family. it was from tat day forward that i began to think the world of you and Aunt Mazie, i loved going to Luneburg, chilling, talking to you and the rest of the family. I loved how i had more family close by and that they werent all in Newfoundland. Heading to Luneburg on a nice Saturday morning was the highlight of  the weekend.

You and Your family had a huge impact on me, i loved having more family living close by, that it wasnt just us. being all connected as a huge family meant everything to me and even the aunts and uncles that live close by seeing them also travel to luneburg to spend some time was just as important to me. i still remember the stories that mom would tell me about you and how you called the shed one thing and she thought somone else.

Then the worst thing ever came and you were diagnosed with cancer and it was like our whole lives got turnerd upside down, but that didnt stop or slow you down. you were a strong , a real fighter and you werent going to let anything stop you. i remember during the time of your illness i was busy working every weekend, i always thought that i didnt need to take trups to see you because i knew that you would kick this illness and always be around.


More will come...its just really painful to write...

So im really tired right now so i dont know if i can even function to put a few words on this  journal for this post.

Orginally i wanted my user name to be poetwithoutpaper, but apparently you cant have long user names for Live journal so i got stuck with this one. oh well .. i guess user names dont really mean much these days anyway

...

So this journal is for random writing, poems, finish work.. you name it its going to be here. so if you some how stumbled across my journal .. first this is First.. WOW and secondly i hope you enjoy what you read


-APW

Replacement

im just a replacement,
im just someone you call when you your all alone, im the replacement
im just a temporary piece of ass you have when you dont have anyone else
im just the person you call a friend so that you get the benefits that i have.. im the replacement
im just the one you spill your heart to , the one that you tell not to repeat a word too. im just the replacement until something better comes along

Im the replacement, the one that stands by you, when you call and you need a friend, the one that will stick with you untill the end replacement